Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
this beer tastes like vomit already
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
