you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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