I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
