i already hear my dad disowning me
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
