Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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