at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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