Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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