Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
