I wannas sexs uuuuu
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Less talking, more tequila
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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