I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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