No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
