Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
