Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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