i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
