You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
