it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
