K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
