I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
