Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
