so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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