You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
