it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
