i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
