We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize