some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
