Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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