I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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