love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
