My nipple is on Facebook.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
