I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
