Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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