Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
