Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
