did you get engaged???
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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