He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
