It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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