shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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