She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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