Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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