every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
