wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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