Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
