Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
