I heard we made out
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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