i would punch a child for taco bell
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
