remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Actions speak louder than pants.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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