umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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