i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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