the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
