I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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