are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
