Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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