Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
