it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
