I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
