yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
