I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Blood and glitter go together right?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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