You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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