i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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