Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
