glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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