I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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