I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
