when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
