I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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