I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
