this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
