If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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